'Crying in H Mart' Author Shares her Journey Through Grief and Culture
For New York Times bestselling author and musician Michelle Zauner, her battle with grief after her mother’s death not only took her on a path to healing through writing. It also inspired her to reconnect with her culture.
Out of her pain came her 2021 memoir, “Crying in H-Mart,” which chronicles Zauner’s journey caring for her mother, who died of cancer when Zauner was 25, and the impact of that loss. A decade later, Zauner said she still grapples with the loss, but it feels less heavy now that she has shared her experience through her book.
“It's really wonderful now to have moments of grief and really appreciate them,” she said. “I especially appreciate the experience I have now where I've talked about this so much.”
Zauner’s book was this year’s selection for the First Year Experience’s Common Read 2025. Cal Poly Pomona welcomed her to campus at a Feb. 27 event where Zauner discussed her writing process and inspiration behind the book with Marimas Hosan Mostiller, an assistant professor in the Ethnic & Women’s Studies Department. At the talk, Zauner also fielded questions from the audience and signed books, the line snaking around Ursa Major twice.
Zauner, whose father is white and mother is Korean, was born in South Korea, but grew up in Eugene, Oregon. The book explores the themes of Zauner’s complicated relationship with her mother, navigating between two cultures and how learning to cook Korean food helped her process her loss.
Zauner attended the Bryn Mawr, a private women's liberal arts college in Pennsylvania, majoring in creative writing and film production.
“I took every single course in the creative writing department, except for nonfiction, thinking that I would never be interested in writing nonfiction because I felt like I wanted to just tell stories about people,” Zauner said. “I felt like I had never seen someone like me in the literary practice, and that all of my stories would talk to me about how my parents met and what my original makeup was before I could even get into any sort of story.”
Although writing nonfiction was never an option she thought she would pursue,
Zauner is thankful for the journey she has taken as a result.
Zauner began writing “Crying in H Mart” in 2021 with no clear idea of its future direction.
She started writing 1,000 words a day until she reached 80,000, in which she channeled all her raw emotions, speaking sometimes nonsensical gibberish and other times one idea or one memory that would stick around. These raw emotions were filled with anger, anger for her father and relatives, and anger for herself.
“After writing the first draft of this book, which was very angry, and I didn't recognize that itself until I had three or four months away from it, when my editor and I reread it, and also read the notes about it, and realized, oh, wow, I need to stop,” Zauner said.
By the end of her cuts, she had reduced the 80,000 to less than half. Much of the writing happened during the revision process. During this stage, she confronted her anger and processed why she felt this way.
“I had to think about what led them to make the decisions that they did, and I had to provide context to create a more fair playing ground for this book that I felt comfortable putting forward,” Zauner said. “I think my relationship to myself really changed as well because I was so angry at myself for many years for being a difficult daughter.”
Growing up in Oregon, Zauner didn’t have many friends that grew up in a different culture. There was no media showcasing this relationship, making it difficult for her to find any reference points. Writing this book, however, opened her eyes to why her relationship with her mother was difficult throughout her early childhood.
Zauner delved into the role cooking had in her process of grief and cultural identity.
“A lot of people have memories that are associated with food, and that's a very common thing that's passed from family to family, and so that's one thing that's been really refreshing, to see that it has potential to be possible for everyone,” Zauner said.
She described it as a simultaneous healing method as she fed herself while psychologically working her way through grief.
“After writing this book, I think I realized that so much of that, I think, came from subconsciously trying to undo some sense of failure that I had about being a caretaker for my mother,” Zauner said. “Clearly, I had this real desire to care for her in this very maternal way. Like a cyclical maternal way, where I was going to be able to prepare dishes for her and what I wasn't able to, and so I think learning how to cook Korean food was kind of a way of undoing that sense of failure.”
In 2024, Zauner took a huge leap in her journey to self-discovery and moved to Seoul, Korea. During this time, she learned about cultural differences and how being Asian American set her apart. Regardless, Zauner made the effort to learn more, explore, and take Korean language courses.
“Not everyone has that privilege to go and live in the country that they want to know more about or interact more with, but for me, that was really special and important in a way that I felt like I was able to connect more with my cultural identity,” Zauner said.
Having a new insight into her culture and having lived this wonderful experience, Zauner hopes to create a follow-up book that delves into more details about her time in Korea.
The singer, songwriter, and guitarist for the indie pop band Japanese Breakfast also shared some insight on her new album, which will be released on March 21. The album’s theme is learning balance. To her, balance is investing in creative work and ambitions, while keeping a focus on personal life, she said.
The younger Zauner got her first guitar at 16 after begging her mother countless times. Her passion for music only grew as she strolled through the city, hanging flyers for shows and booking her own.
“I fell in love with writing songs very quickly after first taking lessons at the Lesson Factory,” Zauner said. “Pretty much after the second or third lesson, I was off to the races and writing songs, and then I just became obsessed with booking shows and playing open mics, which then turned to opening for people.”
The event also included the announcement of the winners of the annual Common Read essay contest. The winners are:
- Daniel Chang, animal science
- Ian Detres, animal science
- Alexa Juarez-Gonzalez, computer information systems
- Tyler Mei, sociology
“Crying in H-Mart” can be purchased at the Bronco Bookstore or through the following link